Jane Eyre: the comedy film
by MayaHJ7
Summary: For everyone who's read Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre, here's a spin on it, or should I say, put in simpler terms. Totally meant to be funny.


Jane Eyre Video Script

  


Aunt Reed- Jane come here

Little Jane- What do you want?

Reed- I'm putting you up for adoption

Jane- What?

Reed-Adoption. Do I have to spell it out for you A-D-O-P-T-I-O-N

Jane- But why?

Reed- Don't you get it. You're unwanted. You disgusting vomit.

Jane- I take it you're harboring harsh feelings towards me

Reed- You're going to a boarding school with this skeleton looking man named Mr. Brocklehurst.

Brocklehurst- Hello, sinner. Let the lord punish you for your sins in soul and body. Come let us away to Lowood School where you will be an outcast and no one will want to play with you.

  


LOWOOD-

  


Jane- I'm an outcast and no one wants to play with me.

Helen- That's where your wrong loner.

Jane- Who are you?

Helen- My name is Helen and I too am a loner, but come let us be loners together.

Jane- Ok.

Helen- Jane I have to tell you something. I'm dying.

Jane- No. What?

Helen- I'm dying. Do I have to spell it out for you. D-Y-I-N-G. I'm kicking the bucket. I'm retiring at an early age. I'm sleeping the eternal sleep. I'm taking an extended trip. Are you following me?

Jane- Helen, what are you getting at?

  


HELEN THEN DIES.

  


Jane-Helen? (FALLS TO KNEES)Why God why?

  


  


8 years later

  


Jane-La de la la la. I'm on my way to be a governess at some scary placed called Thornfield. (Arrives at thornfield)

Fairfax- Halt there. We're not interested in Jehovah's witnesses and we don't donate to charity either.

Jane- No I'm here to be the governess of a spoiled French little brat.

Fairfax- Ok, here's the French spoiled little brat you'll be teaching.

Adele-Hello, mademosille. My name is Adele and I'm the French spoiled little brat you'll be teaching.

Jane- I need a break from you spoiled french little brat. I'm going for a walk.(walking away)La de la la la. Oh no here comes a horse. Maybe I should stand here and get trampled by it.

Rochester- (falls off the horse) you crazy woman. Did you just say to yourself "Maybe I should stand here and get trampled by the horse?"

Jane-As a matter of a fact I did.

Rochester-(looks her up and down) Hey. How you doin'?

  


  


LATER ON

  


Mason-Hello! I'm looking for Mr. Rochester. He's my brother in law.

Jane- He has no brother in law. I should know he plans on marrying me.

Mason-Liar. Ah, Rochester. I need to talk to my crazy sister in the attic.

Rochester-Ex nais on the crazy lady.

Mason- Oh I get it. You don't want her to know about you know who.

Rochester-That's right. Come to the attic with me.

(Both in the attic)

Mason-Ah,crazy wench bit me. I must flee from here. Good bye.

Jane- Well, what was that all about.

Rochester- Nothing my little mustard seed. Let's go get hitched.

  


(marrying)

  


Rochester- I do

Jane-I-

Mason- Stop he can't marry that she man. 

Priest- What's up?

Mason- My brother can't marry that girl. Little players already married.

Jane-No, prove it.

Mason-Ok

  


(Attic)

Ms.Poole- Hello! I'm the inn keeper. How can I help you?

Rochester-Open the door.

Poole-I think not

Rochester-Now, time waits for no man

Poole-alright. Here's the crazy lady

Crazy lady-I'm crazy I tell ya'

Jane-Good bye to all of you. I'm leaving and never coming back

Rochester-No come back my little mustard seed

(Jane leaves)

  


Jane- Oh no. I'm so sick I feel like passing out (passes out)

Sinjun- As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...what have we here? I must help her, it is my duty as a priest and a man. Barely.

  


(In bed)

Jane- Where am I?

St. John- In nevereverland

Jane-Really?

St. John-No not really, you're going to have to get use to me stupid sense of humor if you're to be my wife.

Jane- Excuse me?

St. John- That's right baby, you're going to be a missionary's wife. MINE!

Jane- Later. (Leaves) I'm coming, Rochester. Hold on, baby.

  


(Arrives at burned down thornfield)

Jane- Hey, man, what gives?

Fairfax-Hello, Jane

Jane- Ms. Fairfax, what happened?

Fairfax- Well since you asked.....

  


(Fire)

Crazy lady-I'm crazy I tell you!!!!!!! CRAZY!!!!!!!!! 

Rochester-No don't jump baby.

Crazy lady- AHHH (PLUNGES TO HER DEATH)

Rochester-What a waste of booty.

  


Jane-That's awful.

Fairfax- Aye, yes. Anywho,would you like a cup of tea?

Jane-No, where's my baby?

Fairfax- He lives across the way a little. Take a left down there, then a right, left, right, then left again. Got it?

Jane- Yes!

  


(Get's at the house)

  


Jane- Rochester, I've realized my mistake. Will you have me baby?

Rochester- But I'm blind?

Jane- Yes,that will have a downside, but who cares. Let's get hitched.

Rochester- Kiss me

Jane- Ok (stands there waiting)

Rochester- Help me out here, I'm freakin' blind.

Jane- Oh right.

(They kiss and live happily ever after) 


End file.
